I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
