First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
