We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
