Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
