dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
