she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
