There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
