Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
