i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
