Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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