i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
