Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Farmville is her only friend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
