Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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