Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize