so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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