just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
