my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
