i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
