shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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