The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
