he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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