that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they're like a gay fantastic four
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
