i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
