i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
