Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
