i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
