Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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