Jerry, you need to find god
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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