There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No subtext here. People are naked.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize