Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
