tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
