If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
