i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
