Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize