feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
