Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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