I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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