all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
