cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt