youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.