Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow