i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry