My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?