Your face is a jimmy john
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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