Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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