wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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