I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
