Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
