maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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