please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize