Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
