after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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