I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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