i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
