ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
