I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
