3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
