my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
