Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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