How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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