So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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