I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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