I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
