I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
