I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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