So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
