I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
