after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
