i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone says I win the strip club
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize