Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
