Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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