im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
