i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
