dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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