first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
