apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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