He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
