They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
