Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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