I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
